1. My army and legions of terror will have helmets with clean plexiglass visors, not face concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be to small to crawl through.

3. When my captured hostage says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll shoot him then say "no".

4. I will not include a self destruct mechanism unless it is absolutely necessary. If it is necassary, it will not be a large red button that is labelled "Danger Do not Push". That button will instead fire a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to push it.

5. One of my avisors will be an average six-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected ASAp.

6. All slain enemies be cremated or have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left at the bottom of a cliff for the media to find. I will not celebrate until I KNOW they are dead.

7.The person I have captured is not entitled to a last kiss, last meal, etc.

8. I will not employ any device with a digital countdown. If I must I will set it activate when it reaches 116/200 seconds while my enemies are just starting to deactivate it.

9. I will normally listen to my advisors' advice.

10. I will hire a very talented fashion designer to make uniforms for my army.

11. All clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves will be put ot death. My foes will surely give up if they have no source of comic relief.

12. My pet griffin will be kept in a secure cage from which I cannot accidentally stumble into.

13. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messanger who brings bad news just to show how evil I am. Good messangers are hard to come by.

14. I won't turn into a snake. It never helps.

15. If my TRUSTED lieutenant tells me my army is losing a battle I will believe him.



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